Assignment 1(Formal Letter)
Subject: Self-introduction letter
Subject: Self-introduction letter
Dear Professor Brad,
I am Muhammad Mirza, a student from your effective
communication class. I am a graduate of
Temasek Polytechnic with a Diploma in Green Building and Sustainability.
I am an undergraduate in Sustainable
Infrastructure Engineering (Land).
I am interested in this course as it is very niche. Other
universities are not able to offer the same
syllabus and skills. We are assessed on our problem-based learning projects and
hands on assignments as opposed to just test and exams. This will allow me to
express my creativity and critical thinking innumerably.
As for my weakness, I find it challenging to formally present to a large audience. Whenever I am presenting, I doubt my ability to
effectively communicate and convey the message to my audience. I have the
tendency to stutter and give unnecessary pauses during presentations. It
is unpleasant and I will start speaking in
“Singlish” because I am not able to
get back on both feet to continue my presentation. My past presentations have been lacklustre and that is also largely due to
the way I deliver them. My voice tends to be boring and monotonous and I am
unable to capture the audience.
As for my strengths, I can socialise and converse confidently in small groups with ease. I may be an introvert, but also sociable among my friends and I am able to converse with strangers spontaneously without feeling
awkward.
I desire to give a confident presentation without
hiccups and be as engaging as possible. I
will make full use of effective communication classes to learn and practice as
much as possible, to make my time here fruitful as well as improve my speeches
and presentations.
Yours sincerely,
Muhammad Mirza
SIE2016 Tutorial Group 5
Edited on 17/9/19
Commented on: How Wei, Sangara and Chek Eu
SIE2016 Tutorial Group 5
Edited on 17/9/19
Commented on: How Wei, Sangara and Chek Eu
Hey Mirza,
ReplyDeleteThanks for making your post already. It looks good. I'll respond to it once your peers have had a chance to do so.
Cheers,
Brad
Hi Mirza,
ReplyDeleteyour formal letter is well written with clarity and the information are not too overwhelming for the audience. Here are some points I think you can improve on.
1) From the first and second paragraph, the audience might not see the objective of this letter. It is better to state the objective of this letter. After reading the first two paragraph, the audience might lose track of what you trying to convey.
2) For second paragraph, instead of showing what is your professional interest in engineering. The message changes to the reason for choosing Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering (Lang) as your Bachelor.
3) “I want to be able to give a confident presentation without hiccups and be as engaging as possible.” Instead of “ I want to be able to give” I will use “ I hope to give”.
Hi Chek Eu thank you for reading my post. I have edited from the mistakes that was spotted by you.
DeleteHi Mirza, Sangara here.
ReplyDeleteI have just read your blog and you have satisfied the requirements of the the given assignment and I must say you have a good skeleton explaining your background education, weakness, strengths and goals. The content is crystal clear and I applaud you for that.
1)However, I believe the letter could have used better sentence structures to enhance the writing.
-->"but I am very sociable among my friends and I am able to converse with strangers" there too many "I am" one sentence.
-->"I feel that my past presentations"
--> "I doubt my ability to effectively communicate"
2)The content on your paragraphs are good but I am missing the linkage between each sentences. Try using conjunction to elevate the letter.
3)Make your goals assertive because it makes the reader to believe that you want to achieve it. Instead of "I want to be able to", try " I desire to.."
4) Capitalization
--> Diploma
Thank you and looking forward to learn with you.
Hi Sangara thank you for taking your time to read my letter. I have made the necessary amendments from what you have pointed out. Hope to work with you in class.
DeleteDear Mirza,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this clear, concise and fairly complete letter. As menrtioned by Sangara, you attend to all the areas of the assignment, and you give good detail on why you were inspired to pursue a degree in the SIE course. For the communication strengths and weaknesses, you provide clear explanations. I can already attest to your assertion that you converse well in a small group as I have observed you and your summary team in action.
As for goals, (and your weakness) by now you probably know that we will be addressing presentation skills. You don't mention English language use though you alllude to your use of Singlish, but for this letter, your grammar looks quite good to me
I look forward to reading more of your writing this term.
Cheers,
Thank you prof for your feedback. I have made the changes needed. Hope to grab as much knowledge from you for this module.
Delete